Sunday, April 29, 2007
i've got so much to say. but i dont know how or where to start.
firstly, i still love you, but at the same time, i really HATE you!
why? omg! why must you do this to me? if you dont like me, just tell me alright! i can take it! it'll be so much better. at least i can slowly learn to move on.
well. at least now i know that i have God with me.
and so many of my friends are here. gosh! i should have known right from the start that we were never meant for each other.
everything was just a mistake. and now waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought, it's tiring and useless.well. i give up okay. i give up waiting for you. i'm so sick and tired.
all my friends were right. i should never have gotten together with you.
but what the hell la. i still love you and i cant stop myself. even though i force myself to hate you, somewhere deep down inside i still love you. and it just hurts whenever you dont have time for me. you said you'll change. did you just say it to make me happy or what? please tell me? i'm still waiting for you, you know.
do you know what happens every night.
i just hug my bolster to sleep and i cry myself to sleep hoping that one day you'll come back to me and love me like you did before. sacrificing things for me. and all. omg. this reminds me of me and amerie. wth. sigh. i'm just waiting for you to take the initiative to come up to me.
if i didnt msg you today, would you even bother to msg me? well. maybe you've got other people to msg.
but as they say, just seeing the person you love happy will make you happy.
well i guess it's kinda true. i guess i'll just stay away from you. i guess you're happy that way.
dont worry. i'll still love you. ALWAYS.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
oh gosh! i dont know what to believe.what you say. or what your messages say.omg la! seriously. wtf are you doing?playing with me huh?!fine. i'll play with you. it's gonna hurt me but you've hurt me too much!you told me you were tired. i believed you.
but omg! you hung up the phone with me to conferencing with other girls?!omg! what the hell are you thinking?am i just not good enough for you?
seriously wenjie!please think before you do anything.your actions speak louder than words.one day when i've gained enough strength to move on.
trust me, i will.dont you need to worry about me.i'll leave you alone.
yes. i told you i'll love you. and i still will.but i'm sorry. i really cannot take it anymore.i know i have no right to tell you what to do. or even question you.maybe this way is really better.then if i dont ask, i wont be hurt.that's really a good idea.you dont have any right to know what i'm doing either.
look, i think i know what you are doing.you are playing mind games.you know that if i leave you, there wont be anyone there for you to love you and satisfy your pleasure.but once you get any girl to say they love you, then you're just gonna kick me away.
RIGHT?
but too bad. i'm smarter. i will play mind games with you too. i think mind games are more fun than any other games you can ever think of.
i'm not gonna depend on man. because man cannot give you what God can give you. trust me alright. i'll make you suffer so much that you will wish that you had never played with me. you've messed with the wrong girl this time. just your luck.
i dont know what i'm feeling now. i love you. but i hate you.
maybe i hate you for the things you've done to me. you make me believe you so much, put my trust in you. but time and time again you keep breaking it.
you think i dont know what you do behind my back right? well. guess what! i know everything. i know what you did last night.
you dont deserve anyone. you dont even deserve to go to hell. hell is so much better than you. i'm sorry i said that. but i think it's true. maybe all the hatred in me is caused by you.
all my friends are right. i shouldnt even get tgt with you in the first place. i deserve someone better.
you can still sleep so soundly. dont you have any conscience at all? gosh! what happened to you man. i wish someone can just play with you, hurt you and crush you in their hands so you'll get a taste of your own medicine.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
heart of God heart of God heart of God.
that's all i hear from all you people.
i hate it. i hate it! i cant take it anymore!
i just have to let it out!
why did i have to bring you guys to that church? why why why?
i hate myself for doing that!i hate everything!
i feel as though you guys are leaving me!
why?!
am i not good enough? is my church not good enough?
what?!
tell me!
do you like her? you seem like you do. you meet her behind my back. and why only her?
god-sis? what the hell la. i tell you everything. i told you i need accountability. i guess it's not you to account to anyone right?
whatever la.
i'm gonna give up soon.
just give me one more day to think everything through.
just go away from me now. leave me alone. i hate everyone around me and most of all i hate myself.
i'm in depression.
she slits her wrist,
she crys to sleep,
she mumbles and fumbles on every word she says,
she gobbles her food down her throat,
she tries to kill but it fails.
her broken heart,
torn apart,
bleeding profusely,
screaming intensively.
hiding her face behind a mask,
hoping someone to pick her up.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
2nd MONTH. ((:
though we didnt do much. but i realised that i still love you.
everything we've been thru seems to have brought us closer.
yes. i may get irritated with you sometimes, but i'll still love you.
i know you are trying as hard as i am to make this work out.
and you do know that sometimes you just gotta let go and give me space right?
i hope you'll understand.
you may not be even reading this. but i just wanna shout out to everyone that i love you.
but i cant promise you that we'll last FOREVER because maybe something will happen.
but this i promise, i'll try to let it last forever alright? (:
i love you.
